what the fuck even is my sexuality: the musical
including great hits such as
oh no he’s hot
oh shit she’s hot too
why is everyone hot
and everyone’s favorite
how did i used to think i was straight?
I hate that there’s this huge prejudice against gay people having their own ‘sexual awakening’. If a straight guy finds out he fancies guys sometimes and is actually bisexual or even gay, in general the world shrugs and moves on. But in my experience, if a gay guy sleeps with a girl and discovers he’s actually bisexual, there’s a whole lot more freaking out. A lot of people seem to think that if you identify first as gay instead of straight, you’ve used up your quota for changing your sexuality. It’s like if you decide you’re not straight, you only have once chance to get your sexuality right, wheras if you are straight you have free reign to eventally decide you’re bi or asexual or pansexual or anything, really.
The monosexual privilege checklist
- Society assures me that my sexual identity is real and that people like me exist.
- When disclosing my sexual identity to others, they believe it without requiring me to prove it.
- I can feel sure that upon disclosing my sexual identity, people accept that it’s my real/actual sexual identity (rather than anything other than I said)***.
- I am never considered closeted when disclosing my sexual identity.
- Perception/acceptance of my sexual identity is generally independent of my choices of relationships, partners and lifestyle.
- It is unlikely that disclosing my sexual identity will be taken as a sexual offer or a sign of sexual consent.
- I can be confident that people don’t misname*** my sexual identity or use different identities to describe my identity when speaking about me.
- When seen with a partner I’m dating, I can be certain to be recognized as a member of my sexual identity group.
- I never have to worry about successfully passing as a member of my sexual identity group or as a member of my community.
- I do not have to choose between either invisibility (“passing”) or being consistently “othered” and/or tokenized based on my sexual identity.
- I am never blamed for upholding heteropatriarchy** or cisgender* privilege because of the word that I use to identify my sexuality.
- My politics are not questioned based on the the word that I use to identify my sexuality.
- I feel welcomed at appropriate services or events that are segregated by sexual identity (such as ‘general’; i.e. straight clinics, gay community centers, lesbian-only events, etc.)
- If I’m cisgender, I am accepted and celebrated as a part of “queer” space or movement. If I’m an ally, I am applauded for my support of the queer movement.
- If I’m cisgender, queer or gay people will not try to exclude me from our movements in order to gain political legitimacy for themselves. I am never accused of “giving the movement a bad name”; or of “exploiting” the movement.
- I can feel sure that if I choose to enter a monogamous relationship, my friends, community or my partner will continue to accept my sexual identity, without expecting or pressuring me to change it.
- I needn’t worry about potential partners shifting instantly from amorous to disdain, humiliation or verbal violence because of my sexual identity.
- I can cheat on my partners or act badly in a relationship without having other people put this down to my sexual identity or have my behaviour reflect badly on all the people in my sexual identity group.
- I can choose to be in a polyamorous relationship without being accused of reinforcing stereotypes against my sexual identity group.
- I can fairly easily find representations of people of my sexual identity group and my lifestyle in the media and the arts. I encounter such representations without needing to look hard.
- If I encounter a fictional, historical or famous figure of my sexual identity, I can be sure that s/he will be named as such in the text or by the media, reviewers and audience.
- I often encounter the word I use to identify myself in the media and the arts. When I hear or read it, I am far less likely to find it in the context of its denial.
- I can find, fairly easily, reading material, institutions, media representations, etc. which give attention specifically to people of my sexual identity.
- I can feel certain that normal everyday language will include my sexual identity (“straight and gay alike”, “gay and lesbian”, etc.)
- If I am cisgender, I am far less likely to suffer from intimate violence.
- If I am cisgender, I am less likely to suffer from depression or to contemplate suicide.
- If I am cisgender, I am far less likely to suffer from poverty.
- I am more likely to feel comfortable being open about my sexual identity at work.
- I have access to information about the prevalence of STI’s in my community as well as prevention methods that are suitable for me.
- If I live in a city, I can expect to find medical care that will suit my own particular needs.
- I am less likely to risk my health by avoiding medical treatment.
- Wronging me on grounds of my sexual identity or sexual behaviour is taken seriously:
- Those who wrong me are expected to know that it is hurtful, and are considered accountable whether or not they intended to wrong me.
- I have easy access to people who understand that this wrong is unacceptable, and who will support me.
- I have easy access to resources and people to educate someone who wronged me, if I am not feeling up to it.
- If I am being wronged, I can expect that others who are around will notice
- When I express my sexual identity in my daily life, I can reasonably expect not to be considered unstable, unreliable, indecisive, untrustworthy or in need of help.
- I can worry about issues specific to people of my sexual identity group without being seen as self-interested, self-seeking or divisive.
- I can remain oblivious of the language, culture, history and politics of bisexuality*** and bisexual people*** without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
- I have the privilege of not being aware of my privileges.
* Cisgender means any person who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth, i.e. non-transgender or genderqueer.
** Heteropatriarchy means heterosexual male rule.
*** Bisexual = ♥ people of same gender/gender presentations as yourself + ♥ people of different genders/gender presentations as yourself.
READ THIS. this is absolutely and painfully true. painfully. READ THIS.
guys, Mary Gonzalez of Texas just got elected Senator. she is openly pansexual.
LET’S GO PAN!!!
The urbanization of Gay that started rolling after World War 2, while it has benefited us as Queers, has not really happened for, or specifically benefited Bisexuals in a comparable way. And no wonder! What’s the point of migrating to a “Gay City” if you are going to face the same stereotyping and rejection that you can get just as easily in Podunk? Why not just keep your head down and install new drapes in your closet?
If the rejection of Bisexuality by large elements in the Gay/Lesbian Community makes us look smaller by keeping us in the closet (and here I mean both the straight closet that we all start in and the gay closet where we give up and just identify as ‘Anything But Bisexual’), then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Where’s the community to come out to? Nowhere. So I won’t come out, then, I can manage my feelings of threat better by remaining isolated.” Then along comes the next person, who can’t find the Bisexual Community either … Eponymous Fliponymous in Bisexual Identity Development, or, You’re Out Of Your Box (via bialogue-group)
STOP using “LGBT” if you only mean “L” and “G”, shun the “B”, and don’t even know what the “T” is.
Just stop using LGBT.
QUILTBAG is so much better.
Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender, Transexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual
G - Gay, Genderqueer
THIS. THIS IS GOOD
Aaaand pansexuals are left out in the cold again.
Startin’ to think this is intentional, damn. x3
I think pansexuals are generally considered a subgroup of bisexuals. Especially since every bisexual I’ve ever met is actually more pansexual, but just like the use the more common term.
As a pansexual I completely disagree but welp, it’s fine.
“I think pansexuals are generally considered a subgroup of bisexuals.”
This is how I understand it.
There are people who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to no one, generally known as ace. There are people who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to one gender only, often classified as either het or gay. There are people who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to the gender binary, and they are often classified as bi. Then there are people who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to people, no matter their gender (or lack thereof.) Pan folk may be attracted to het people, gay people, bi people, men, women, transfolk, intersex folk, ace folk, and anyone and everyone who sits outside those categories or who claims no specific gender.
If it were a Venn diagram, it might look like this (forgive my crap art skills):
And there might be colors inbetween, too. Technically though everyone is a subset of pan, since pan likes everyone, and preferences narrow from there.
Except this definition of bisexual is incorrect. Lots and lots of people who identify as bi are attracted to more than two genders, not attracted along the gender binary, etc.
The restriction that bisexual people have to be attracted along the gender binary is something that was made up and imposed on them by people who don’t identify as bisexual.
And obviously, people who don’t identify as bisexual don’t have any right to define other people’s identities for them.
The bisexual community defines bisexual as sexual/romantic attraction to more than one gender. Technically, pansexuals probably fit within this definition, since they are attracted to more than one gender, but as we all know, identity is a very personal thing, and trying to force pansexuals to fit under a label that they don’t identify with is just as bad as trying to redefine bisexuality for bisexuals.
I personally identify as both bi and pan, and no, that’s not a contradiction.
Tumblr is making me a little bifurious today. Hey folks, please keep this in mind:
- There are more than 2 genders.
- Trans men are men, trans women are women.
- Latin roots will not tell you all you need to know about a word.
- Only people who call themselves “bisexual” get to define “bisexual”.
- Don’t assume someone who isn’t gay or straight identifies as bi.
- Pansexuals do not get to define bisexuality in order to then define pansexuality.
- Not every bisexual is going to experience attraction in exactly the same way.
- Not every pansexual is going to experience attraction in exactly the same way.
- Two people could have very similar experiences of attraction, one could identify as bi, one could identify as pan and the world would not implode. It’s fine.
- Respect each other’s identities, experiences, labels or lack thereof.
K, I’m done now.
Gay does not mean interested in you.
Lesbian does not mean “probably going to hit on you”.
Homosexual isn’t a horny caricature trying to fuck you.
Get over yourself.
Bisexual does not mean “wants to have a threeway.”
Pansexual doesn’t mean ‘fuck everything and anything’.
Asexual doesn’t mean “just never had sex with you.”
Demisexual doesn’t mean “hopeless romantic.”