- Friend: How can you trust a bisexual girl? She'd just cheat on you with a boy.
- Me: Same way I trust lesbians, because they can cheat on you with other girls.
Beware of pansexuals
As a pansexual I am posing a threat to everyone.
I am 100% lesbian while being 100% hetero, AND my interests in people are based on personality rather than looks, which means I wanna bang every guy I meet and ESPECIALLY every girl I meet.
As such, you should NOT let me sleep at your girlfriend’s place. I am the most seductive being since the serpent of Eden, and I will have sex with your girlfriend no matter what sexuality she has.
In case you’re wondering: Yes, I am looking at your boobs constantly, and you shouldn’t flash your cleavage around me, cuz I get so fucking horny at the mere sight of anything related to boobs, so I’ll probably be fantasizing all sorts of fucked up stuff about you if you do.
I mostly hang out with guys because I’m such a dyke. So should you see me hanging out with girls, I’m probably trying to get in their pants, or they’ve turned gay.
You should keep your boyfriend away from me cuz I’ll hit on him too.
Actually, just shun me from society. I am a sick person and shouldn’t be around people. I am actually not even human. I’m sort of like those tentacle monsters from hentai mangas. So beware of me and be sure to warn your friends, cuz I am one sick motherfucker.
Dear lesbian friend who shall remain nameless,
When bisexual women come on to you, they are playing “tease the lesbian” and being “homophobic straight girls”.
When bi women don’t come on to you (and/or have too many male partners), they are “straight bisexuals”.
How, pray tell, does one prove to you that they are queer?
The Token Bi Friend.