Intent is Everything

bisexualmind:

Why aren’t the attractions and labels of monosexuals scrutinized to the degree those of bisexuals are? I have never seen it. Have you? I don’t see the same kind of hand-wringing about monosexuals dating nonbinary people and whether or not they must switch to identifying as pansexual as there is about bisexuals.

We’ve all heard this one before: “Saying you’re bisexual but attracted to nonbinary people is saying those people are really men or women because bisexuality means you only like the binary! Binarist douchefuck!” Even when we say that, yes, we are well aware there are more than two genders and we know that nonbinary people are not binary but we still prefer to identify as bisexual for whatever various reasons we may have, it doesn’t matter because BINARIST DOUCHEFUCK I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA

Some claim we are never attracted to nonbinary/trans people. Two common attitudes that come from this are: we are either willfully and deliberately bigoted by identifying as bisexual rather than something else, or it’s a more pitiable “well you can’t choose your attractions, so they can’t help if they aren’t attracted to nonbinary people, poor things.”

Either way, we are made into lesser beings, and the dialogue has been framed so that the only way to escape is to abandon bisexuality as an identity altogether.

It doesn’t matter one bit that all of these things are lies, that many bisexual people are attracted to and identify as trans/nonbinary and that we say so repeatedly. We are inconvenient to their biphobia and so are dismissed as an insignificant minority, if not outright ignored.

Because biphobia is what it’s about. If it really were about fighting binarism or supporting trans/nonbinary people, bisexuals wouldn’t be singled out because everyone has said something at some point that reinforces the gender binary, nor would the existence of trans/nonbinary bisexuals be completely disregarded. 

In the time I’ve been on Tumblr, I’ve noticed something about “social justice” activism here: rather than learning to examine and root out their prejudices, some people have learned only how to better cloak them in activist language. They know they can’t say “Bisexuals are cheaters/will leave you for cock” without looking like an obviously biphobic asshole, but they can say “Bisexuals are more concerned with genitals than other orientations.” They can’t say “Bisexuals care only about sex and not about activism” but they can say “Identifying as bisexual is evidence one is ignorant about social justice issues.” Others just nod and accept it because it reinforces their preconceived notions in a way that isn’t so obviously biased and inflammatory.

These are often people who also give lip service to the idea that we are all living in a society steeped in prejudice that we can never fully escape no matter how much we try and that our thoughts and actions towards others will always be colored by those prejudices, yet they insist they are not at all biphobic but simply explaining bisexuality in a completely objective, rational way.

Yeah, sorry, I don’t think they are somehow magically exempt from the biphobia that pervades society. Maybe if more people actually practiced what they preach and tried to confront their prejudices particularly against bisexuals we wouldn’t have to keep having this stupid argument all the time.

bisexual-community:

The backlash against “fake” bisexuals is actually incredibly biphobic.

loveandasteadyhand:

Not to mention problematic in a whole bunch of other ways.

Let’s start by by stating the obvious. People experiment when it comes to sexuality. And that is okay. Sometimes that experimentation includes exploring having various kinds of contact with various genders. And as long as that experimentation is done respectfully and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with it. No, kissing someone of the same gender while not being a perfect six on the Kinsey scale does not count as dishonest or disrespectful. Furthermore, I don’t understand this idea that it is generally disrespectful to kiss or sleep with someone that you have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with (just as long as you don’t actually pretend to be interested in a long-term relationship). I really don’t think we hold straight people or monosexual gays and lesbians to the same standard.

Furthermore, queer (and genuinely questioning - which many “fake bisexuals” are) people are never responsible for homophobia and biphobia. If you identify as a lesbian and feel like “fake bisexuals” are preventing straight people from taking you seriously, you should probably blame homophobic straight people. Also, people should not have to feel confined into narrow boxes around sexuality just to appeal to the sensitivities of homophobes.

Also, you probably have no idea who is and isn’t a “fake” bisexual. Yesterday, I was talking with a friend of mine; she’s been married to a man for 16 years, but identifies as bi. She said she often feels really out of place in queer spaces; she doesn’t “read” as queer, so people make all these assumptions about her. This is hardly uncommon. When you act like you have the right to exclude people who you don’t deem “queer enough”, you create a community that’s hostile to large groups of people.

There should definitely be space to discuss how the media capitalizes on a very narrow view of queer people’s sexuality, but attacking people for being sexually fluid in the “wrong” way is not the way to do it.

I generally feel like bisexuality gets a lot of disrespect, as something of a “joke” sexuality for people “too indecisive” to make up their minds. One example that comes to mind is actually from Glee, which is a problematic show in many ways, but I’m specifically thinking of the episode (a quick Google search shows me that it’s the one called “Blame It on the Alcohol”) in which Blaine, one of the two gay characters, drunkenly kisses Rachel, obviously not someone of the same sex. He then starts questioning (briefly) whether he really is gay, and even says to his supposedly accepting, open-minded, out-and-proud gay friend Kurt that maybe he’s bisexual. To which Kurt replies with, “Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they wanna hold hands with girls and feel normal.”

In general, there needs to be a much better promotion of bisexuality, and intermediate sexualities that don’t have neat labels. Experimenting but ultimately deciding you’re heterosexual does not make you a horrible, fake person. It makes you human. Your sexuality isn’t something that needs to fit into a set of prepackaged, well-defined parameters. We really need to start, as an entire culture, meaning it when we tell children to be themselves and accept others, without restricting it to “be yourself as long as it fits into a neat box” and “accept others as long as they can clearly define who they are and how they feel.”

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)

This! This! This! It’s also ‘slut shaming’, classicism and/or racism as well as (frequently) anti-woman disguised as political correctness.

(Source: bravedancing)